The 16 Month Pact


Photo by Will Clark

Cobb holding her sign of solidarity proudly

Timia Cobb, Staff Reporter

Have you ever been on the cliff but didn’t take the jump? Maybe it was because you were afraid of the outcomes or the possible problems that could come with taking the risk and jumping. Well, that’s been me my whole life: too scared to act on something I truly want. Don’t get me wrong, countless of times I’ve tried to take the leap, but I stopped myself. Because I’m afraid. Afraid of my own shadow, or even someone else’s. The thought of knowing someone knows that I’m afraid is unbearable, so I hide it.

You shouldn’t have to put on a smile and pretend that you’re not cracking from the pressure, but inside you’re so broken into so many pieces you can call yourself a puzzle. Boys. That’s possibly the biggest obstacle that a teenage girl will never figure out. We’re afraid of how the guy you like would react. So afraid, that it sends you into a panic just thinking about the rejection, the pain, and humiliation. You’re human, so you’re allowed to be weak and filled with emotions that cause you pain.

I’ve liked at least 50 guys, and none of them have ever felt the same way back. I’ve never been in a relationship or felt compassion or attraction from another human being. I know I’m a teenager, and that I have my whole life ahead of me, but I just keep remembering the number of guys I’ve bared my heart to, and not even one thought of me in the way I wanted them too.

There’s a guy I like. Let’s call him “Brad”. He’s number 50, and what I like to call “The Last Result” before I lose all hope for the male species. He was different from any other guy I’ve ever wasted time on. Sweet, shy, educated, compassionate, dorky, non-materialistic, and downright adorable. I assumed that because he was so different and because I was me, he was the answer.

Well, that was a lie. Brad was so quiet and different that I never really got the chance to talk to him and find out he was actually attracted to the same sex.

Yeah, life screws you over sometimes like that. But, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only girl who has felt rejection, that has too many crushes to count or has liked a gay guy.

I’m deciding that I have had way too many crushes in my life and I need a break. Every girl has been a little boy crazy.Well, I have been my whole life and I have to say that I’m sick of it. So, I’m making a pact to myself that I plan to keep. For the next 16 months, I’m going to work on myself. For the next 16 months, I want to find myself, make myself happy, and not like one single guy. I can’t waste any more time on liking guys who won’t benefit me because I’m sick of it! And any other girl who’s sick of it too should do the same.

We’re girls, men and boys need to realize that they don’t need to be chased. It should be the other way round. I’ve never seen so many insecure and self-conscious women in my whole entire life. There’s this image in our head that if no one wants us, that we’re not good enough and I can’t deal with that anymore. So I’m going on strike, I’m going to be selfish and only care about myself and let myself come first. So should every girl who has ever been rejected so many times that they don’t feel good enough. Love yourself before you love someone else, and stop chasing boys who aren’t worth it. Even if there have been 50 or 100 guys, not all of them can be so stupid that they can’t realize amazing you are.